My Fairy Tale Life

The beginning of our life together was hard. My parents didn't like Chris,didn't like the fact that I was pregnant. He still lived with his mom,so she could help with the girls. So I was pretty much on my own. I really didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy the way most women do. My parents weren't going to help me and Chris' family didn't offer any help either. I never even had a baby shower. It didn't bother me so much then but as I get older and I know I will never get to experience that joy in my life it gets a little harder.Back then I was blinded by love and the thought of having a real family. So I worked my ass off and bought all the things I needed for my baby. Then about a year after he was born Chris and I finally moved in together and began our life. The girls mother was pretty much non-existent in their life at this point, which made my life easier. But it still wasn't easy. Chris was not the most mature person. But I had these 2 beautiful little girls and a new baby. They were my world and I was theirs, so I was able to overlook a lot. Chris went through a lot of jobs,and several times of having no job, the first few years. But I worked my ass to the bone,sold anything I had of value and pretty much sold my soul to make sure the kids had what they needed.When he worked and I didn't I took care of the kids 24/7. I budgeted our money to the penny to make it stretch. I did work for my dad to earn money, and I stretched my food stamps enough to feed 5 people for a month and buy Chris' mom food with the extra so she would buy the kids things they needed that I couldn't buy with food stamps. One time I had to use old wash cloths for my period and wash them out because it was a choice between buying the kids what they needed or buying me pads. Chris and me got into an argument about it and his mother ended up getting me put in jail. Still I hung on because there is nothing more precious than the unconditional love of a child. At one point I left Chris for about 6 months. But I couldn't walk away from the girls,and I couldn't be a part of their life without him. I went back because they were not getting what they needed and I felt like it was my fault. Sometimes after that their mother decided to show back up. She had suddenly decided she wanted to be a part of their lives and took us back to court. We had no money to fight her and she won. On November 24th, 1998 my heart was ripped from my chest. Tears flooded my soul as I had to hand my children over to a woman they didn't even know. It was a cold hard reminder that no matter how much I loved them they were not mine.